Man Up and Write What You Mean
May I share one of my top pet peeves? I get a little bent out of shape when people use asterisks to self-censor their language.
One Sunday morning I was at church, waiting outside the sanctuary. I could hear the speaker delivering a talk, and she was going on about the youth and their use of words like “flippin.” I can’t remember her exact words, but the sentiment was that no one was fooled by what they were saying and that it was just as offensive to try to use such substitutes.
At the time I remember thinking: Gees, lady, get off your high horse already. She sounded a little self-righteous, but as it turns out, she and I agree, for different reasons.
I used to follow a popular writing guru. Like most self-proclaimed thought leaders, you can spend a few weeks perusing their marketing emails before their material starts to sound recycled, but before unsubscribing, I asked why he was a fan of using asterisks in his pitches. If you write “f*cK,” it’s not going to take rocket science to decipher what you were trying to say.
I asked why he bothered. Is there an algorithm that frowns on potty mouths? Is it a lame attempt to be professional? Is it a safe way of rocking the boat without, you know, rocking the boat?
I never got a response.
I think it’s laziness. There are people who believe swear words convey ignorance. To a point, they’re right. Swearing, especially in writing, tells me you could not be bothered to think of a more polished alternative. I won’t hold you responsible for what you speak. Sometimes your tongue whips out before your brain can keep pace, but unless you had a gun to your head, writing gives you the opportunity to consider your words before committing them to paper.
I also think it’s insulting. Using an asterisk to censor the swear is like wiping your ass after you’ve already pulled up your pants. It assumes I am too stupid to decide for myself what is and is not offensive.
And I think it’s cowardice. You probably know one or two people who can hammer out a mean post on social media, but in person they would be hard press to say boo. It’s like they want to go rogue … from the safety of their basement.
Don’t get me wrong, there is the other extreme where dropping the F bomb every other word just makes you sound about as sophisticated as an outhouse. Mark Manson would have likely picked up even more readers had his art been a little more subtle. Manson’s book is great, to be sure, but there is a way to engage your audience without running the risk of unnecessarily losing your audience.
There is a deeper matter of authenticity at play here. You shouldn’t feel like you have to swear to sound more authoritative, make a stronger connection, or look “cool” in front of your peers. By the same token, if you’re going to use a little color in your language to illustrate a point, have the courage to say what you mean, because the people who would have been offended by what you said likely would not have been reading you in the first place.
Bottom line: The blog is back. Let’s fucking do this!
